i don't want to defer to your decisions and opinions just because they came from you You seem to expect my unconditional subservience. I think you're disgusting.

you want to get things done and be efficient get paid and go home it's “easier” for everyone for me to eat your orders, your commands, your poison

Why would I submit to this social arrangement that prioritizes the meeting of quotas and ticking of boxes and accumulation of value, that so vehemently refutes and denies my subjectivity, unless i was forced and had no choice?

why would i eagerly offer my blood to pad your CV and inflate your social capital? To feed you who is so overfed

You insist on rules and schedules that I must abide by so your criteria and timelines are satisfied Your standards and regulations and objectives furnish a lifeway that serves you and not me i am an interchangeable human battery to pop in and expend there is no compensation for the lifespan of mine that you've harvested

Why must I chisel and compress my time to fit into the tiniest of open spaces Who set this terrain? It wasn't me and still you play the powerless victim

There is [a kaleidoscope fractal explosion variety universe of possibilities for moving one's body through space and time] yet you sneakily narrow the scope of reality so i must plug and play, slot into your system with menus of binary options either i accomplish your task on your terms or i've failed

Do you expect consistent, precisely-calibrated results on demand just because you say so? Because that's just how it works around here? I'm replaceable, fungible, and defective fucking fine then i'm only doing the bare minimum until we have no reason to relate ever again

===

You hold my relationships hostage because you're the more credible storyteller here clear-voiced, straight-backed, even-keeled, rehearsed and brimming with authority you could limit the places i tread for calling me the one who betrayed and crossed you when i said “no” to you

Your scheming and plotting manipulation and insistence and deceptive false dilemmas and brute force bulldozing are so achingly normal here

This is not a negotiation This is not a collaboration This is not about meeting needs This is domination This is gaslighting insistence that this is the natural order of things

====

Disdaining and judging anyone as weak, inefficient, slow, stupid, unobservant is hierarchical People each have their own thoughts and feelings, their own understandings their own systems and processes for making life work.

the way i do things isn't worse than the way you do things it's not insufficient for being dissimilar

when i appear not to deliver results you desire you just call me selfish, unreasonable, emotional lazy, unreliable, erratic and carry on satisfied with your relentless self-propagation self-righteous and loving what you see when you occupy the entirety of your bathroom mirror with no space for anything else

but i know instead i am operating under different assumptions and impelled by different needs and pressures that are beyond your imagination and beyond your desire to understand weighty things that are invisible to you did you ever think to consider you don't know what you don't fuckin know?!

===

Self-hatred is hierarchical and the biggest con of all is how they got us to internalize their evaluation systems they made us hate ourselves as much as they hate us for —not shrinking and contorting our bodies so we —-insert into their bureaucratic permaculture human extraction machines for —not gleefully seizing our roles —-as agents of their wish-fulfillment fantasies for —how we force them to pinch and turn up their noses —-when we violate their delicate, dainty white lace and milk sensibilities for —denying their inborn species right to get their way —-because their embodiment is categorically superior These fuckers, they really believe they deserve all that they desire and that questioning their authority is violence toward them

===

This is a hierarchy of bodies. Don't look at my body and decide what I'm good for. You don't know my life. You don't know me.

Do you ever pause to think you're making a lot of reductive assumptions and judging others according to white supremacist standards that do not apply to the lived experience of people who are just fuckin different from you?

===

NO I DONT WANT TO DO IT I WANT YOU TO GET THE FUCK OFF MY NECK unlike you I HAVE NO INTEREST IN CALLING THINGS WHAT THEY ARE NOT You don't have the power to name me You don't know me

===

you won't be the one they'll listen to as sparks fly and bridges burn they have to lose something they actually care about before they'll question themselves

me, i give a wide berth in my line of flight escape is delight it is springtime with stars and sprouted seeds an entire outside to what they'd have you believe... yippee

solid clean white whitewash opacity milk culture, a horror ecology body deforming agonist and antagonist harnesses you for its own purposes penetrates inside and makes you like it MAKES YOU MAKE MORE OF ITSELF until you like it or die trying welcome to the city the city is a titty

///

wrung from the tortured glands of another purportedly good for structural integrity within us clings to and hardens skeletons calcifies and entrenches white skin white teeth white dreams food pyramid marketing con transformed The Stuff into baseline health need people get mad at you when you refuse it and imply it's not good for both body and soul run fast they're really, really angry...

///

more hormones, more pierce and flood vessels and drown out one's blood genetic level sameness ordained from above everyone's doing it come join in fill up Someone's uterus and empty It out because surely every Woman wants to be a Mother compulsory self-sacrifice decided by Someone Else INVASION OF INTERNAL ORGANS CRAM IT IN THE HOLE BECAUSE I SAID SO forever until elasticity wrecked children upon children produced processed to add value assessed and priced alive now, for the purpose of growing consumable, useable flesh It's only good business sense to manage well and to harness the biological momentum of bodies whose autonomy we have no use for then they get harvested at a time decided by that Someone Else and not at a time decided by that Someone who dies We helped them grow. They owe us.

///

Concerning life that didn't have to exist fixating on fine-tuning our control so as to provide a more comfortable life or a less painful death is the most deceptive and cruel framing of all What the fuck is wrong with you?

///

Imposed industrial life support regime precise qualities and quantities pumped out on demand flesh products on conveyor belt assembly line spreading white tube-fed tumor, expanding via bureaucracy winning the war by crowding out the rest of the colours and creatures Milk grows so fast and hard, no one else has a chance they're taking away water to drink from the rivers replacing it with milk in bottles for our safety and productivity for our insidious non-consensual nourishment for non-consensual accelerated growth and non-consensual enhanced reproductivity

///

more milk more tits we prefer to pretend it didn't come from titties it's good enough for children to know it came from the store but we gotta work to make more of em more more more it's an open secret an adult secret for us to know and them to find out that it's really important that we get to cum in this social arrangement and that we get to do it without shame or reproach it's our right and duty to get it done and start it all over again and enjoy ourselves fully while we make the world

///

until there's nothing left to eat and drink but this! Homogeneous pink and grey asshole paste formed into shapes with a tall glass of milk on the side environmental racism, environmental toxicity, and hazard horror product on every shelf Success; Universalism Achieved chopped, blended, rarefied, extruded through tubes fed to us all in proportions equivalent to our market worth sensory dulling food and drink we're all so used to it oblivion by stun bath or nail gun seems appealing in a way if there's no pain then surely no harm done

Mass-produced living creatures, who are born, raised, and killed on an assembly line, perhaps understand on some level what is coming, what has happened to millions and billions of others just like them. Perhaps they are attuned to the echoes of their predecessors looping and trapped in this time and place. Perhaps, for the duration of their short and torture-filled lives, violence is punctuated with enough stillness to think through questions like “why?” Perhaps, they understand enough to be angry that it didn't have to be this way and curse their own flesh down to the bone. May the farmed turn their disgust and rage inward. May they inlay their technologically-accelerated swollen skin, fat, and muscle with their futile desire, fury, and terror. May these emotions with nowhere else to go accumulate like shards of asbestos of everyone who swallows their body parts with delight. May every egg be invested with hot corrosive hatred for those who treat their bodies and secretions as neutral commodities, rather than forcefully extracted living tissue. May the agony of every life born to die suffuse and penetrate every cell of every thoughtless human eater. It is a burden worth carrying, if we are going to nourish ourselves this way.

We all know what happens in a slaughterhouse. Insider video footage is extremely accessible if you have internet. Think about what it would be like to not outsource this killing and do it yourself instead, according to need rather than market logic. Think long and hard about what it is to deliberately deprive a creature of choice and movement, to keep kin trapped while ki grows larger, larger. It is easy to see yourself and your will to live in this creature, who fully sees what's coming because ki knows immobility is death. You have to injure kin's body to the point of full system breakdown, so that the light inside goes off and you're left with meat and no spirit. A body that is alive is robust. It holds itself together. It wants to heal and perpetuate itself. You must puncture holes in the container, so inside bleeds into outside. Sever critical transport tubes and organs, so fluid pools and spills where it's not meant to. Rend, cut, and shred muscle fibers, so they can't contract and produce tension on bone. No fighting back, no seeking egress.

We are not meant to confront the horror reality of inflicting pain and death so we may sustain ourselves. Streamlined economic functioning systematizes and abstracts that reality to have endless reams of food product on demand. It's been set up to keep us consumer-enduser-renter-voter-taxpayers from metabolizing the true, fleshy weight of killing and death.

And perhaps the worst part is that we can walk this world knowing, but we still don't get to choose how we eat. You could destroy yourself if you carry all there is to carry, regarding life and death and production and consumption. A small portion of us are allowed some lateral movement, to avoid putting the worst of it in our own bodies. This is for being born in the right time and place, but no one ever gets to climb out of this hole. It's not a simple matter of choosing between modes of consumption with clear ethical rankings. Organic, grass-fed, family farm-raised. You know what continues regardless of the pains you take to eat differently. We were born losers in a sense.

We all eat and shit and breathe the fumes. This is a people farm. A people grinder. It exists to continue existing. Eternal snake eating itself, crapping into its own mouth. We must keep the economy running or there is no “we” that continues to feed and get fed.

—– to be continued —– forever in a circle —– not done yet —-